To the one that I still love:

To the one that I still love:

I am writing to tell you how I feel even though you may never read this. I just need to put it all down on paper as sort of a closure thing for myself.

You were the first guy I said “I love you” to and actually meant it. I felt love within myself that I wanted to share with you so much and I know you had it within you too. You expressed your love in so many ways and always made me feel more beautiful than any guy ever had. Things were great for the first few months and I thought our relationship would never end. After the first few months everything went downhill, and it has taken me a long time to realize why. We were fighting every day. We would call each other up and within the first five minutes we would argue about the pettiest and most childish things. I know realize that we never talked about anything that bothered us until we started fighting. It was like a war, everything we really thought would come up in harsh ways when we were fighting, and this was the wrong way to “talk” about these things. I truly loved you even if it didn’t seem like it when I said the harsh things I did. I was wrong. I will admit and I am truly sorry for all the things I said to you to make you feel so down. I know you are sorry for the things you said too as you have expressed that many times, an I have grown to forgive you. When we were together I felt so secure and happy and even when we fought so much I didn’t want to end things and let you go because I was already attached. When I finally let you go, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew it was the right thing to do because you weren’t getting any better at telling the truth. For so long I hated you for lying and I blamed you completely for our relationship falling apart, and now I know I had a big part in it too. I never should have let you go because you only got worse. I blame myself today because I feel that if I had not let you go then you wouldn’t have spiraled downward so far. It took me so long to get over our relationship and be happy again with someone else. I have not yet had another relationship as long as ours and I will tell you I miss it a lot. I still miss you tons and wish everything was back to the way it was in the first month we were together, but sadly the past is the past and there is no way to change it. I always thought we would never speak to each other again after our relationship ended so dramatically. I thought I would never be able to forgive you or be friends with you because of how devastated I was over what happened. It took almost a year for us to both be able to be friends after all that had happened, but I’m glad we got past everything. We finally became cool again at the end of last school year. I was having a really good day at school and I was waling in the hallway and I saw you I knew that I had finally forgiven you and moved on completely, I couldn’t help but smile at you. Surely enough at the end of the day you sent me a text and it was nice to see a friendly compliment, instead of the harsh insults we used to send back and forth. From that day we were sort of friends, but summer came around and we hung out and had tons of fun just like we used to.All the memories of when we were together came back to me and I wanted to kiss you and hold you like before because for the first time it felt like we were still together in the relationship that was so amazing. I had to restrain myself and make myself snap back into reality but it became easier the more we hung out. The start of this year had come around after all the summer memories and I had never saw you in school or heard about you, I truly began to get worried. I finally found out you are at a school where you are happier and are doing well. It took a lot of asking around but I am glad I finally got an answer.

The main purpose I am writing this letter is because I have been thinking a lot about you lately and I know deep within my heart I truly still love you. I just couldn't help but reminisce about our past together. It's weird because even though I have moved on and can be happy with someone else, I can also still be happy with you and go back to old times. I am glad you are doing well and I know you are happy without me and have moved on, and knowing your happy makes me happy. Maybe one day there will be a chance we get back together, but that's up to fate to decide and whatever happens, it happens for a reason, and i am completely fine with that. Looking past all the negatives, I have come to realize that you really changed my life in so many ways and I can't thank you enough for that. I love you and I hope everything works out for you, because you deserve it.

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